A Hat Issue

In my television viewings for this evening, a rather nice modern western called Appaloosa, it came to my attention that most, if not all, of the characters were wearing hats. And this caused me to question something I don't think the leaders of our country are putting enough effort into fixing, why do we not wear hats anymore?

Now, as many of you know, I am partial to a nice little hat party every now and then, and I have seen many of my friends in a number of different headgear over the years, but I don't think it is nearly enough. Hats should be worn in everyday life, I believe, for the following reasons and more.

1.  Protection - Hats have the use of protecting one's head from not only the elements and weather, but any aerial based attacks. You could, for example, install a small sensor in the hat for when people get near, or a missile based defense system. It also means no bird will shit on your head. Bonus right.
2. Greeting - Say you want to stay the strong silent type in all situations, but someone has just opened a door for you. Now you and I both know you can't just let that slide without some form of appreciation, but how to show it without giving away your soft squishy nature? Simply tip your hat and nod at the man/woman/animal, and all shall become right in the world! It can even be combined with such phrases as "morning" or "guv'nor" for a more cheery greeting!
3. Dress - Hat's can be used as part of an overall 'look' or 'style' to make you into a sexy, sexy man. You know that song 'Sharp Dressed Man' by ZZ Top? You'd be like that, with a hat. And you could combine it with any of the above uses for a multipurpose hat. Brilliant!

 And in case any of you are still unconvinced. Everyone wears hat's. Even Cats.

Enough Said.