I'm Baaaaaaack

Hello you!
As you may have noticed, this is the first time I've posted in quite awhile, and this is as I've been rather busy lately. I'm deeply sorry. Really, I am.

But on to more important news! Guess who's going to Isle of Wight Festival next year? That's right, yours truly! Its going to be simply wonderful isn't it. Tom Petty, Pearl Jam and Bruce Springsteen. And on top of that, the Sunday, The Boss day, will be my birthday! Oh joyous occasions indeed. I expect you all to be jealous, except for those who are coming with me.

Now on to a subject of deep deep importance in every mans life. Threesomes. Specifically, if you are having a threesome with two girls, should you switch condoms between sex? I know what your thinking, of course not! It will interrupt the flow! But have you considered the following...

1. If one girl has an STD, by not changing the condom, you may give it to the other girl, and how is she going to explain that to her family, friends and loved ones? Not well i imagine!
2. What if they take offence at you lugging them all in the one condom category? That could turn very messy!
3. What if one of them is allergic to one type of condom, and the other another. Or what if they're allergic to each others... liquids.
4. If you then go and commit a murder or go on the run or something, if the police are looking for you and find just the one condom, then that will have two peoples DNA for them to follow up on! How bad would that be?!

So I hope that now you can all take this into consideration and make the right decision.

Thank You

Be A Hero

So I just started watching Vanilla Sky, and it starts with Tom Cruise dreaming that he is the only person left in, well it seems New York, but I'm assuming the world. This got me thinking, how would you react if you were the only person in the world.....

Logically speaking, you could react however the fuck you wanted. No one would be able to judge you. Or mention you. Or you know, anything.

Another point, why are you the only person left on this earth? Were you the only one not affected by some kind of deadly disease? Since your 18th birthday has the world been taken over by robots who forced everyone to fight to the death, leaving you to be the last person alive, and in your congratulations party held by the chief computer you pulled the plug on it, thus ending an era of robot overlords, but leaving you alone... forever alone....

Depressing idea, ain't it?

On another note, my good friend CJ was lovely enough to buy me a Bracknell Bees shirt today. What a lovely lad. Here's our logo.

M.A.G.G.I.E.

M.A.G.G.I.E! We all know what that stands for. Any guesses? Come on? You got it! It Stands for Make Adjustments Go Get It Energised!

Yes I am once again watching how i met your mother, one of the many shows I obsessively watch because my life is simply that.... I'm gonna go with interesting :). Yes, interesting.

I've just seen an advert for Christmas gifts which "you can't lose on" at game. Game?! So their advert, which seems to be based around the idea that there's something for everyone. What on earth are you gonna get your gran for Christmas from game? A conundrum indeed!

Peace

A Note Of Little Importance

Here's an idea. Vitamin Gum. How about, rather then taking vitamin pills each morning, those who choose to do so, could partake in this with chewing gum instead. This way, you could flavour it, and the chewing would give you exercise. Genius.

On a separate, but possibly related note. Vote Josh For MYP

Hamlet Banter

This is what happens when i google Hamlet Banter.

Enjoy

A Hat Issue

In my television viewings for this evening, a rather nice modern western called Appaloosa, it came to my attention that most, if not all, of the characters were wearing hats. And this caused me to question something I don't think the leaders of our country are putting enough effort into fixing, why do we not wear hats anymore?

Now, as many of you know, I am partial to a nice little hat party every now and then, and I have seen many of my friends in a number of different headgear over the years, but I don't think it is nearly enough. Hats should be worn in everyday life, I believe, for the following reasons and more.

1.  Protection - Hats have the use of protecting one's head from not only the elements and weather, but any aerial based attacks. You could, for example, install a small sensor in the hat for when people get near, or a missile based defense system. It also means no bird will shit on your head. Bonus right.
2. Greeting - Say you want to stay the strong silent type in all situations, but someone has just opened a door for you. Now you and I both know you can't just let that slide without some form of appreciation, but how to show it without giving away your soft squishy nature? Simply tip your hat and nod at the man/woman/animal, and all shall become right in the world! It can even be combined with such phrases as "morning" or "guv'nor" for a more cheery greeting!
3. Dress - Hat's can be used as part of an overall 'look' or 'style' to make you into a sexy, sexy man. You know that song 'Sharp Dressed Man' by ZZ Top? You'd be like that, with a hat. And you could combine it with any of the above uses for a multipurpose hat. Brilliant!

 And in case any of you are still unconvinced. Everyone wears hat's. Even Cats.

Enough Said.

Bad Horse

 

Bad Horse, Bad Horse

Bad Horse, Bad Horse!
He rides across the nation, the thoroughbred of sin,
He got the application that you just sent in,

It needs evaluation, so let the games begin!
A heinous crime, a show of force,
( a murder would be nice of course.)

Bad Horse, Bad Horse
Bad Horse, He's Bad!
The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware, 

The grade that you recieve'll be your last, we swear,

So make the Bad Horse gleeful, or he'll make you his mare, 

You're saddled up, there's no recourse,
It's "Hi-Ho Silver!"
Signed Bad Horse