I'm Baaaaaaack

Hello you!
As you may have noticed, this is the first time I've posted in quite awhile, and this is as I've been rather busy lately. I'm deeply sorry. Really, I am.

But on to more important news! Guess who's going to Isle of Wight Festival next year? That's right, yours truly! Its going to be simply wonderful isn't it. Tom Petty, Pearl Jam and Bruce Springsteen. And on top of that, the Sunday, The Boss day, will be my birthday! Oh joyous occasions indeed. I expect you all to be jealous, except for those who are coming with me.

Now on to a subject of deep deep importance in every mans life. Threesomes. Specifically, if you are having a threesome with two girls, should you switch condoms between sex? I know what your thinking, of course not! It will interrupt the flow! But have you considered the following...

1. If one girl has an STD, by not changing the condom, you may give it to the other girl, and how is she going to explain that to her family, friends and loved ones? Not well i imagine!
2. What if they take offence at you lugging them all in the one condom category? That could turn very messy!
3. What if one of them is allergic to one type of condom, and the other another. Or what if they're allergic to each others... liquids.
4. If you then go and commit a murder or go on the run or something, if the police are looking for you and find just the one condom, then that will have two peoples DNA for them to follow up on! How bad would that be?!

So I hope that now you can all take this into consideration and make the right decision.

Thank You

Be A Hero

So I just started watching Vanilla Sky, and it starts with Tom Cruise dreaming that he is the only person left in, well it seems New York, but I'm assuming the world. This got me thinking, how would you react if you were the only person in the world.....

Logically speaking, you could react however the fuck you wanted. No one would be able to judge you. Or mention you. Or you know, anything.

Another point, why are you the only person left on this earth? Were you the only one not affected by some kind of deadly disease? Since your 18th birthday has the world been taken over by robots who forced everyone to fight to the death, leaving you to be the last person alive, and in your congratulations party held by the chief computer you pulled the plug on it, thus ending an era of robot overlords, but leaving you alone... forever alone....

Depressing idea, ain't it?

On another note, my good friend CJ was lovely enough to buy me a Bracknell Bees shirt today. What a lovely lad. Here's our logo.

M.A.G.G.I.E.

M.A.G.G.I.E! We all know what that stands for. Any guesses? Come on? You got it! It Stands for Make Adjustments Go Get It Energised!

Yes I am once again watching how i met your mother, one of the many shows I obsessively watch because my life is simply that.... I'm gonna go with interesting :). Yes, interesting.

I've just seen an advert for Christmas gifts which "you can't lose on" at game. Game?! So their advert, which seems to be based around the idea that there's something for everyone. What on earth are you gonna get your gran for Christmas from game? A conundrum indeed!

Peace

A Note Of Little Importance

Here's an idea. Vitamin Gum. How about, rather then taking vitamin pills each morning, those who choose to do so, could partake in this with chewing gum instead. This way, you could flavour it, and the chewing would give you exercise. Genius.

On a separate, but possibly related note. Vote Josh For MYP

Hamlet Banter

This is what happens when i google Hamlet Banter.

Enjoy

A Hat Issue

In my television viewings for this evening, a rather nice modern western called Appaloosa, it came to my attention that most, if not all, of the characters were wearing hats. And this caused me to question something I don't think the leaders of our country are putting enough effort into fixing, why do we not wear hats anymore?

Now, as many of you know, I am partial to a nice little hat party every now and then, and I have seen many of my friends in a number of different headgear over the years, but I don't think it is nearly enough. Hats should be worn in everyday life, I believe, for the following reasons and more.

1.  Protection - Hats have the use of protecting one's head from not only the elements and weather, but any aerial based attacks. You could, for example, install a small sensor in the hat for when people get near, or a missile based defense system. It also means no bird will shit on your head. Bonus right.
2. Greeting - Say you want to stay the strong silent type in all situations, but someone has just opened a door for you. Now you and I both know you can't just let that slide without some form of appreciation, but how to show it without giving away your soft squishy nature? Simply tip your hat and nod at the man/woman/animal, and all shall become right in the world! It can even be combined with such phrases as "morning" or "guv'nor" for a more cheery greeting!
3. Dress - Hat's can be used as part of an overall 'look' or 'style' to make you into a sexy, sexy man. You know that song 'Sharp Dressed Man' by ZZ Top? You'd be like that, with a hat. And you could combine it with any of the above uses for a multipurpose hat. Brilliant!

 And in case any of you are still unconvinced. Everyone wears hat's. Even Cats.

Enough Said.

Bad Horse

 

Bad Horse, Bad Horse

Bad Horse, Bad Horse!
He rides across the nation, the thoroughbred of sin,
He got the application that you just sent in,

It needs evaluation, so let the games begin!
A heinous crime, a show of force,
( a murder would be nice of course.)

Bad Horse, Bad Horse
Bad Horse, He's Bad!
The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware, 

The grade that you recieve'll be your last, we swear,

So make the Bad Horse gleeful, or he'll make you his mare, 

You're saddled up, there's no recourse,
It's "Hi-Ho Silver!"
Signed Bad Horse

Sex, Drugs, and Vegetarian Sausage Rolls

Why hello there you. Haven't seen you in a while. You are looking fine, have you had a haircut? All these are the kind of things i would be saying to you, if you were real. But none of you are. You're all in my head. And this magic paper these words I am thinking are appearing on. Seems so utterly legit :)

You may have noticed that i am writing this slightly earlier tonight. This is as I am entertaining tonight. Who am i kidding, I'm entertaining every night! But I do have someone over, so you'll have to make do with this a bit earlier then normal.

 Just rememered that, awesome right?



Another thing I have been thinking of lately, is how awesome it would be to be able to teleport. I mean, you could go anywhere you want at a moments notice. And you could do all nightcrawler crazy fighting side, you know appearing behind people's back and all that stuff. But then you might get your spine ripped out like that dude from X Men Origins. Hmmmm.... is it worth it? I think it would be.







Still no takers for my friend Will, there's gotta be someone right?
Have yourself a very merry friday!

Look Left ---------------------------------------------> idiot.

In my travels today, i have decided that the best animal to be a tatoo artist, would be an octupus. I mean come on, they have 8 arms! Tenctacles.... Legs? Yeah. They'res 8 of them! That, is 8 tatoos at once! Or doing 8 different parts of the same tatoo. Or like doing 2 parts of 3 tatoos and then 1 part of 2.... or any other number of other combinations. Someone should look into that. See if it's animal abuse. Or just plain genius.
Oh and they supply their own ink. Perfect.


"Two pumps and a squirt and its over" This is what i just heard on t.v. To be fair, i am watching the joy of teen sex, but that doesn't really sound joyful does it? Unless you've got something to do in like, a few seconds. They just mentioned that "this position will help her bring self-masturbation whilst in the position". Really? Is that what people want to see. Just there, casually having sex, all going well, look down to see how shes feeling. Oh wait, she's touching herself up. Nice to know my input was needed..... That would be so awkward. My suggestion to all you girlies out there considering this, just fake it, then pretend you have to go, and have a cheeky one yourself. Everyone's happy!

I found this picture, isn't it hilarious? Oooooooooooh yes!

Just to remind you all, still looking for a girl for Will, so don't hesitate to suggest someone!

Have a fun thursday night.

Feeling Christmasy. Ish

So, its almost December. That makes it almost Christmas. Ish. But we all know what's coming next week. It's something i, personally, have been waiting for all year..... Advent Calenders! We all love a bit of Advent Calenders don't we :) But this nearing to the holidays has brought me a slight problem. As a vegetarian, I need to find something to eat instead of meat for my Christmas dinner... How about this:

                  This seems like a great idea to me. Whole maybe.

I'm quite tired, so not really feeling up to writing much tonight, so I'll leave you with this to ponder.

As I write this, I am listening to the soundtrack from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. There will be those of you who have heard of this, the majority of you will not, and their may even be those one or two special little people who've seen this masterpiece of modern musicals. I would like to take this moment to recommend it to you all, as it is simply wonderful. Oh and it has NEIL PATRICK HARRIS IN!!!!! OH YEAH!!! I LOVE A BIT OF NPH!!! I urge you all to check it out :)

Now, back to what i normally do, write about utter crap. Whilst bathing my eyes in the glory of television that is American Horror Story, i found myself wondering what i would do if i was in a murder house. in theory i, and most of you, would leave. Or, i guess, die..... but where's the fun in that?! What would be more interesting of course, would be to become a cluedo-esque detective. I could find out all the interesting stories about the past of this murder house. Then again, I'd probably just die. Unfortunately that is a side effect of living in a murder house. And unlike in some horrors, American Horror Story seems to have recognised it, as absolutely fucking everyone seems to be dead. I mean come on! They've got the dead spilling out of the cellar in this story! Michael Myers from the original Halloween should take classes from this house, there really is no skunks in this house. Only Will will get that.

That brings me on to Will. I'm sure you've all noticed the rather splendid picture I've posted at the top there, well that was suggest by will.

 That there is Will. Say hi :) Now as I'm sure you can all see, Will is a rather beautiful young fella, don't you agree? But poor Will here has never had a girlfriend. You're shocked. I can tell. I was too. But don't worry, together we can fix this! So if you, or anyone you know, is interested in this Adonis of a man, then drop him an email at el-moss@hotmail.co.uk

Don't worry Will, I got your back bro!

That is all, thank you for your attention.

Like A Sexy Bus Conductor

Today I went to a lecture. As I can hear you all clamour for more information on such an interesting past time, I’ll put you out of your misery. It was on…. English literature! Boring you say? Why I hear you question? Well my dears, you would be right. It was a bit tedious; the presenter did really have the pizazz I come to expect from my lectures. However, it did have one thing which made my entire body flutter with delight. In one of the poems we were provided with, a simply stunning example of the poetry was used. The writer decided to go with the comparison “like a sexy bus conductor”. Genius right? Exactly. Pure beauty. So here’s a tip to all you lads and lasses out there who are in love. If you want to make your other half feel special, and I mean really really special, then tell them they are like a sexy bus conductor. On the other hand, use it as a pick up line, at a club or on your bus, so as to finally make the move on that which you’ve been lusting after.

On another note, I once again revisited my favourite film, and was reminded that I shouldn’t dream it, I should be it. I don’t think this is meant to be taken in the sense I should be what I dream, as that could have some dire consequences. Cos I seem to die a lot in my dreams. Although recently I was a pirate. Maaaaybe take that a different way. Perhaps it’s all “hey you, yeah, you, what are you waiting for man, stop hanging around with your dreams and do it. Look, I know it may be difficult, but it only takes a few steps to get where you want, so get out there, get motivated, and go take that course to become a bus conductor!”
 

I think we can all agree, wiser words are rarely spoke.
 

That is all.           

I've decided there arent enough crime fighting duos around. I mean yes, you have Batman and Robin, but theyre not exactly equal are they....

I think that thec crime fighting would be alot more effecient if theyre were two of them, mainly because you'd have someone to have your back, and if theyre are no greaters or lessers in the situation, there would be no disputes when slandering news stories came out stating one was better which had any weight. There would probably still be these slanderish news stories, but if they managed to stay enigmas, this would not affect them.

Here are some examples of some great crime fighting duos i think would work:

The Cat And Dog - One wildly agressive, and manically sticks with his case, the other sneaky, quiter, but just as deadly.

Romeo And Juliet - A pair of lovers who favour poison as their weopons....

Top Hat and the Monocle - Two gentlemenly like creatures who always finish off their victim with some witty banter.

Thats all i really have right now, ill keep anyone listenining posted.

A Quick Note

Before I go out to ice hockey, i would just like to let anyone who reads this know, i have new boots. :)

Why Hello There My Dear.....

Hello. Im writing a blog, as you may have noticed. This is for me to get out my very strange thoughts, which i hope will entertain and interest you, and some may just freak you out. Well that suck for you if it does.

This is a very interesting picture i found, isnt it loooooovely?  GODDAMN WATERMELON!

Another thing ive been thinking about today, i think about alot it would appear, is the process that my life would take if i was ever turned permanently invisible. This is the process by which i think i shall partake. It goes as follows:

1. I would have some fun making things floats. Its the simple things in life you see.
2. I would start to mess with people, little things again perhaps moving stuff.
3. I would mess with people more seriously, hiding in bushes at midnight and rustling them when people walk past. Making noises perhaps.
4. I would start to do more delinquent things, maybe taking small things from shops, or attacking people who had wronged me.
5. I would accidentally kill someone in said attack. This would start a downward spiral of a combination of a rush of the murder and the fear of being caught.
6. I would start to attack people randomly, little knowing this is out of a want for more murder.
7. I would realise my want for this, and start to murder people in simple ways, stabbing perhaps.
8. I would start to kill people in more elabarote ways, like turning them around on eachother and giving them the means to kill eachother.
9. I would get bored of killing, and go back to moving things about to mess about with people :)
   
   It really does say something on the subject of anonymity doesn't it?
   Well thats all from me for today.
   Bye